Every Friday I feel great. I get off work, rush home, and spend a weekend of fun with Keith. That fun entails errands, watchign tv or movies, projects, dog walking, and more than anything cooking and eating. It's what he does. It's what he loves.
I enjoy the whole weekend thoroughly, every part of it. That's what I'm trying to come to grips with.
I have for so long deprived myself of things I want in the realm of food. Then I met Keith and it slipped. Now I am starting back up and it's been going well. I feel better, I look better, and I'm happy.
Except I still feel like I'm cheating when I have a good weekend like I described. I feel like I am not as committed to my weight loss as I could otherwise be. I should be continuing my diet through the weekend and then I would lose more and more quickly.
I know I should be able to let myself off the hook sometimes, but I am unsure when those times are. It used to be clear because I would do it when I went out, and that was not very often, or was confined to once a week. I only feel like I don't know when I should do it. Should I keep myself on a strict diet until I am back to where I was and then let myself loose on weekends? Or will it work if I exercise during the week and not on the weekends like I am doing? I don't know!
I just come into work on Monday feeling like crap. I haven't eaten that poorly, but I haven't stuck to the plan and I haven't exercised as much as I should either. I am curious to know if this plan will work for me. I am pushing very hard to get back to where I was and last week felt like I made progress, so I am hoping that after I get home and run and eat right tonight, I will feel the same about this week.
It is hard to maintain motivation. I look for it in little things all over. Today I found it in a random Glamour magazine blog about weight. It was wonderful to read my own emotions and feelings from someone else who put them into words so well. It's always heartening to know someone else is out there and is going through the same things. I had tears in my eyes while reading it because the EXACT same things happened to me when I started losing weight.
What I hope is that eventually I'll find a holding place where it all falls into place. I will know what to do when and though it will still be work, it won't be as hard to figure out. I'm willing ot put in the work, I just want to know how to do it.